So I have this dream life that I think about sometimes. It goes a little like this:
My smoking hot husband comes home to me after a long day of work. I've probably had a long day too. He gives me a little kiss and goes to lay on the couch while I make dinner (or I'll sometimes throw it in the microwave, or even some days it will consist of chips and salsa, probably more often than not, haha).
We eat dinner and talk about our days. After dinner we take out the trash, clean the toilets, grocery shop, workout, etc etc etc. Then maybe we watch our shows, read some scriptures together, and say prayers while his big monkey arms wrap around me as we kneel.
Bed by 11, up by 6, and same old thing day in and day out.
We'll have couple friends we do stuff with on the weekends. We'll invite old friends over for dinner, sit side by side at church, and visit our parents for Sunday night ice cream and play time with the nieces and nephews. He will let me dress him (yeah right) and I'll have fun dressing up for our "date night." He'll smack my butt and tell me I look hot, but will tell me when I'm full of crap and need to stop talking. We'll go shopping for furniture and fight about who's day it is to do the dishes. We'll probably fight a lot but hopefully kiss even more.
Sounds kinda boring huh? I think it sounds awesome.
Eventually a kiddo or 4 will join in the picture, followed by an extra dose of craziness and definitely a lot of extra love.
Someday I hope to live somewhere out in the country...with a wrap around porch I can watch the lightning from, a big yard for a dog and some babies to run around in, and a great view of the stars every night. I want a big kitchen that I can bake cupcakes and banana bread in and big windows to open to let the smells go through the whole house. I want to wear my apron more than I should, and cook things while dancing to my country music. I want to hear my kids argue and laugh and watch "Sesame Street" or whatever...I want to give them baths and laugh when I watch my husband gag as he changes his first poop-filled diaper.
But most of my all, I just want to grow old with my best friend and be insanely in love with my goofy little stinkers. Amidst the challenges that all of this will bring- the heartache, the fights, the frustrations- it's what I want and it's what I've always wanted.
It will be insane and crazy and stressful and perfect all at the same time.
***
I used to want to live in the big city with all that hustle and bustle but the older I've become,
the more all of ^ that becomes my dream.
Lately some stupid thing has been whispering in my ear, "You aren't good enough for all of that."
And some days I really believe it and it breaks my heart. And then other days I just think about my dreams of a husband, and cute little stylish babies who wear tutu's and cowboy boots, and cooking and cleaning and being a mom and a wife...and I think to myself,
"Will I ever be good enough for all that? Will I ever be ready?" Probably not. But who ever is?
I guess I can't really do anything about it now except write down these dreams and let my Father in Heaven know about them every once and a while.
I like to think that He wants this for me too.
2 comments:
That doesn't sound remotely boring at all. That sounds like perfection. Officially. You're going to get it, you deserve it.
Oh whitney. You make me cry and laugh and want just as much as you do all those things. And they will happen, because you are a go getter, and you are living right. Granted, it may not be EXACTLY what you want, but I'm pretty sure it will be exactly what you need. I am grateful to be your friend and be around you lots! I may just copy and paste this post and hide it away in my folder if dreams... Love ya forever.
-Kels
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