clinically speaking

Well I survived my first semester of clinicals. They were only from 5:45 am to noon once a week, and it only gets worse from here on out, but it was a good way to ease us babies into the swing of things. I learned sooooooooooooo much- about nursing, about myself, and about people in general.

It was.... interesting.... working in a nursing home.

Lots of poop. Lots of bedsores. Lots of sad eyes.

Oh it hurt my heart somedays.

***

There is this one patient in particular, let's call her Sue.

She has dementia, so bless her heart, she couldn't remember me from point A to point B.

But she always had this sneaky little smile on her face like she was up to something. And everything she said was followed by a sneaky little giggle.

Gosh, she won my heart.

I would often sneak away into her room and talk to her about life, and Ryan. It's not like she'd remember this conversation anyways so what did it matter?

Oneday she said to me, "It doesn't matter what happens because it's supposed to."

"Why?"-Me

"Cuz"-Sue

"Cuz why?" -Me

"Because everything is the way it should be. I should be here-there's a lesson for me here in this bed. That's why I don't mind whatever comes my way."

**

After some chit chat, I tucked her back into bed and ran to find a piece of paper to write that down.

You know, I think that's my biggest challenge through all of this right now.

I know things will be different in a matter of months. And I waste my time thinking about how badly I wish it were then, and not now.

And I think this is going to be a challenge throughout life as I know it.

So, tomorrow, I'm going to wake up, take a deep breath, and say:

"I should be here. Everything is the way it should be."

Truly, everything is the way it should be.