This may be a little TMI for a blog, but I'm going to go ahead and say it anyways.
Lately I've really been struggling with having HOPE.
There are sooo many things up in the air right now in my life [my boyfriend Ryan is leaving on his 2 year mission for our church where we only get to write once a week...no phone calls, visits, etc, acceptance to nursing school, my job/money making, yadda yadda!]
It's overwhelming. Sometimes I think-
"Nothing is going to go the way I planned, so why make plans?"
I know, I know, it's totally pessimistic.
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So, if life could go perfectly the way I dreamed, here's how it would go:
June 2009- I get a "Congratulations, you are now a nursing student at BYU" letter.
July 2009- Ryan leaves for his mission
August 2009- I return to college, and am able to adjust, have fun, but do well in school.
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For the next 2 years I:
1) date, have fun, experience the SINGLE life but don't get too serious with anyone
2) compare everyone to Ryan, and no one exceeds him
3) do well in nursing school, and travel the world and help people a little bit
4) stay busy and be able to get a good job as an LPN as I finish my RN degree
5) still have a special place in my heart for Ry-dawg
July 2011-Ryan comes home. We still like each other.
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Get married. to him. in one of our very beautiful and very special mormon temples.
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The next 5-10 years involve:
1) Getting accepted to dental school (Ryan).
2) Living in a city-work at an inner city hospital [call me crazy-but it's part of life I want to experience!]
3) Having children. ONE AT A TIME. Naturally. and having them be healthy.
4) Moving back to KC and open an orthodontic practice in the area (Ryan) so that I can be a stay at home mommy
5) Raising beautiful, healthy, clean, good children.
6) Working as a nurse part time-for fun (me) somewhere in KC.
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Live happily ever after.
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Alright God, you and I both know what I want. Let's make it happen? Maybe?
It's whatever YOU want for me. So I'm going to make my wishes known, let go, and hold on for dear life.
8 comments:
Whitney, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading your post for so many reasons. Sometimes I wish I was brave enough to type out my "plans for the future" (heaven knows I have 'em) I think this will be a treasure for you in years to come.
It's such a complicated subject huh. I get why you describe it as struggling with HOPE. (although I think typing it out demonstrates a lot of FAITH) I mean on one hand, we HAVE to make plans-move forward. The outcome is definately better when we do. But gosh it's so hard when we have to rearrange things, give up things, try new ones...and maybe deep down we know that we might have bad times, sad times ahead. (can I please just skip those?)
I was reading a book review about a young irish immigrant who moves to NY. It was the last line of the review that really got me...
"There is only the sound of a young woman slowly and deliberately stepping into herself, learning to make and stand behind her choices, finding herself able to withstand hardship, growing into the wisdom that fate will render all our choices irrelevant in the end."
sheesh...beautiful description. And I was like -wait- does this author know something I don't? Does fate (or maybe I'd say Lord's will) render all choices irrelevant?
I don't know...but perhaps its the process of making choices, living with them, and accepting that sometimes we have no choice except for how we respond to something that matters more anyway.
O girl. What beautiful life plans. I bet you'll get most of the things you want out of life. I believe in you and in your faith in the lords plan for you. Just keep going, and know that no matter what, you have people who love you, not just in KC. :)
hey lady! I really loved this post! I hope that everything would goes according to this amazing amazing plan. Hope you're doing well!
Ha ha...all I have to say is good luck!!! :) Oh I'm so mean!
Dear Whitney,
First BREATH. Ha ha you are too cute. Well two years will go by in a flash IF you stay busy (which by the sound of it you plan on being). Try to be positive and understand that everything will happen like it is supposed to ;) Easier said then done, I know. The Lord wants you to be SO SO happy and you will be :) Good luck on getting into the nursing program! When do you find out??
P.S. Read Following Christ :)
I think that your plans sound pretty good!! As long as you do what is right (and I know you will:), things will work out perfectly!! Just keep in mind that sometimes the Lord has plans for us that we don't even know about and they can bring us more happiness than we could EVER imagine!! (For example, for me it was meeting Court, and then having McKinley so soon, 2 things I DID NOT plan on happening, but the BEST things that ever happened to me)
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