Today was just one of those days where you do everything you can do to hold back those dang tears!!! Isn't that a terrible feeling? Especially when you have no real specific reason. I had a wonderful weekend, there aren't really any new stressors (of course they're always there, but that's life), and I felt like I was doing well. But BAM, life throws you a new curve and you find yourself curled up in bed trying to hide from it all. It's all a part of the experience I guess, but dang, this is hard stuff! I wish there was an easy way to solve all of the hard mysteries of life, but you know that's never going to be invented. I think to get these tears out of my system and I'll be OK. Oh, and it doesn't help that I'm feeling flu-like symptoms encroaching. Oh please, anything but the flu. I just wish I could go back to this summer, probably one of the best summers of my life. I can wish all I want and it's never going to come back, so I need to make the best of the situation I'm in, yadda yadda. I wish I wasn't so far away from home. What I wouldn't give to have a weekend at home, with my mom's cinnamon muffins Sunday morning, her back rubs, and the sound of my dad's ice cream bowl each night as he performs his nightly ritual. I miss my dog!!! I miss the hour long baths I used to take every Sunday. I guess they call it the mid-semester hump or something, but this SUCKS!! I just want my mom (even though I saw her this morning). I feel like since I've been at college, I've put the Lord on the back burner. I feel like I am at a spiritual all time low because dangit, I just DON'T HAVE TIME! What a lame excuse, I know, but shoot I don't even have time to call my own father...whom I haven't talked to in weeks. Blah blah blah, I just need my own bed. I need some space. I miss those wide open spaces of Missouri. What I wouldn't give for one of those long country drives with my mom or Ryan. What I wouldn't give to go home. I know this seperation is necessary and good for me. I need to grow up and move on in my life, but I feel like in order to that, I have to forget about home and everything I left behind because it's just too painful to think about it. In short, I feel like I'm taking CRAZY PILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a little embarrased to publish this post....sorry if you read that whole thing.
4 comments:
It probably doesn't help any but I remember having a lot of those same feelings when I was in college. It almost sounds like you were copying from my journal. All of these hard things really do work together for your good. The Lord knows you and knows what you need. Sorry if that sounded preachy.
pass the crazy pills please! I think I have been taking some myself! :)
I am due April 30th! How cool about your SIL! yeah!
Also, I am with you in the sense that I will always love missouri scenery, but I do think Utah is one of the prettiest places I've lived (ok, Oregon too) but I hope you get to take advantage of all the cool trails like the provo trail that goes up the canyon and down to Utah lake. FUN! We used to bike and rollerblade that all the time! I guess it might be getting a bit chilly, but hiking is fun too!
hope the school stress dies down a bit! Its hard being at BYU with all those crazy smart people! Suddenly I didn't feel so smart! :)
I love that you posted all of those feelings. Sometimes it is theraputic just to write it all down and get it out of the system. Plus, I love knowing everything that is going on with you, emotions and all. This too will make you stronger as you already know. Believe it or not you will deal with harder things in life and you are getting EXCELLENT practice at dealing. Remember you are awesome!!
I can't get on facebook, but I got your message about wanting Tommy's address. Here's his pouch address:
Elder Seth Thomas Johnsen
Mexico Chihuahua Mission
PO Box 30150
Salt Lake City
UT 84130-0150
And if you wanna send a letter or package, a member let's Tommy use his PO box, at least until Tommy gets transferred. Here's that address:
Elder Johnsen
c/o Juliana Orozco
P.O. Box 971802
El Paso, Tx 79907
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